3+3=Happy Me

Every year, my day of birth brings me a great deal of anxiety. I typically plan a big party, bake a ton of mini cupcakes and have several little traditions of making the day special.  I like to write thank you cards to everyone. It's a handwritten grateful gratzie that allows me to feel like I'm doing something nice for people on a day when I may not be able to handle the kindness that comes my way.  I like to hand out mini cupcakes with candles and have everyone wish together (I got to do this!) but new things happened: like having someone get me a cake! I can't remember the last birthday that this happened...but it was wonderful and lovely and happy. This year I was totally sick (apparently the affliction of Taurus' are throat and neck issues. Maybe this explains my twice annual laryngitis episodes..). and didn't plan a darn stinking thing. Lucky for me, I happen to have a wonderful boyfriend who put something together with all my favorite neighbor peeps. I am beyond lucky in my life. I'm so fortunate to have so many wonderful people surrounding me at all times and making my life great. 

Cards for my loves+

Date night dinner at Porsena where they even had a gift waiting for me!

Carrot Ginger Vegan Cupcakes with Orange Butter cream (and GOLD STARS!)+

TRex Spectacular+ 

Flowers and Balloons Delights (Babs filled the balloons with messages from all my friends! We popped the balloons and got the cards inside)+

The best birthday cake I've ever had+

Letting go of the black balloon (I had to write down something I wanted to let go of this year...heeaavvvy)=

Bday 33 Complete!

Sometimes it lasts in love

Sometimes it hurts instead. -Adele

 "Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun, like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now." -Fred Rogers

 As I walked to work this morning, I saw all these people with their flowers, wrapped and ready to give to their sweetie. The local bodega had a plethora of flower options available to purchase (I'm sure with a nice little markup....) and I think half the people are thinking: "Screw you!", while the other half are thinking, "Awwww".  I had my Muppet valentines that were more appropriate for a five-year-old than a thirty two year old lady. I think Valentine's has become this divisive day. I just think of it as a day of spreading some love. Since it happens to fall on a Tuesday this year, it's just another Happy Tuesday.

 I, for one, celebrated Galentine's Day yesterday and had a wonderful time at my new favorite local place, The Wayland, with delightful Emily. I brought some readings from my favorite authors and we had a great night celebrating our friendship.

It's interesting to me, because I think in my romantic relationships, I've always had that side of love that ends up hurting. Maybe this year I'll find a love that lasts instead. A love like my best friendships. Maybe my boyfriend will get gently sidelined for something real. For now, I'll just put on In Your Eyes and sing to myself knowing I'll find someone that accepts me right here as I am...all in good time.  A dear couple whom I adore, said to me today, "I think that you being single means there can't be a God. How is it possible?!" (and they are good Catholics :)!). I can appreciate all the love I get and give in other ways. I'll find peace in those beautiful words of Kahlil Gibran, those that help me see the joy and the sorrow in love. Each love revealing the secrets of my own heart even more to me.

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.