As I was walking back from seeing Ballet Arizona at the Joyce this past weekend, one of my fave peeps in the neighborhood passed me as I took the long walk home. I said my hello and it took him a moment to get out of his head. I asked him about work and the restaurant, then he said, "How are you always so positive?". Truth be told my dear ones, I'm not always positive. Lately, I've had a spout of negative days and many thoughts of, "What am I doing!?". I've tried watching happy movies at 2am, dinner with friends, leaving voice mails for my close friends that try not to sound pleading and pitiful when I say, "So, I hope I hear from you soon!". In fact, when I saw my neighbor, I was just having a major pep talk with myself and I was walking home instead of taking the train because I needed to try to get out of my negative funk.
Before I saw my neighbor, I was walking along telling myself that it's my choice to be positive (while my inner critic is telling me how much I suck) when this man and his little girl passed by me. They were literally bouncing down the sidewalk, with the 40-something-year-old father singing, "The wonderful thing about Tiggers, is Tiggers are wonderful things. But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers, is that I'm the only one!". It snapped me out of my own head, at least for a moment, and brought a smile to my face. That simple scene brought back and slew of memories from high school. One of my best friends loved Tigger and I immediately thought of us driving to school every morning in my green KRMT mobile, singing at the top of our lungs. It brought back the memories of all those peer groups I was a part of. I wasn't a popular kid, but somehow I fit into many different groups. It brought back the memory of Junior Prom; this little dork was announced prom queen as the truly popular girls looked on in horror with fake smiles. Burying spoons at waterfalls with Jamie Knight. Baking personalized cookies for my entire class, only to wake up the morning of our class party to find out that my brother's dog had jumped up on the kitchen counter and had little midnight snack of his own.
In response to my friend's question, I revealed that I'm not always positive. For some reason I do have a hard time letting people know when I'm struggling. I just always try to remind myself that my happiness is my choice. I think my mom always sets such a wonderful example of optimism and the value of a positive attitude. I try to keep her in mind when I get a little down. For now, I will make the choice to be positive and see the bright side of things. There's so many great things in my life. Just like that happy bopping Tigger-father, this week has a slew of happy snapshots as well:
Juice with Annie=connection bliss
Love notes, totes=My boyfriend giving me a lovely affirmation
Sparkle Boot Find=For my silly shoe messages I send John Yan
A surprise gift from my amazing sister=She's totes incredible.
Seeing Deborah Lohse in the dance studio=Swoon. Happy Heart.
Making homemade arugula pesto=no verdict yet...I'll report back.
My favorite dinner all week=Porsena. Ahh. comfortable, fun, peaceful.
Beginner Classes: 8-year-old Gabriel on what adagio is:
"It's about listening to the music and putting that feeling into your movements".
Parent Teacher conferences: One of my students look around the room and told his mom, "Miss Sham-ba-lin isn't here tonight". She said, "She must be". Then she saw my name at the table I was stationed at. Little Alvin couldn't recognize me because I had my long hair down and he only sees me with a bun on the top of my head.
There's always little special moments that make life so incredible and lovely.
Enjoy them.
Acknowledge them.
Live them.
